This summer was a summer full of lessons I needed to learn. Some of them I learned, some of them I'm in the process of learning, and some of them I still am completely confused about, and am just going to hold on and hope I'll see what's going on eventually. And all of the lessons were the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn.
Through the course of this summer, I learned that just because a relationship means something to you, doesn't necessarily mean that it means anything to the other party. It doesn't matter how long the relationship has gone on, or how supposedly close you were to that person. In the end, one critique could make them completely turn on you. Throw you away like you're nothing. Flip out and cause a scene just because you happened to be invited to the same gathering as they were. With some people, it doesn't matter if there's enough good history between you to fill a thousand pages, and then a thousand more. With some people, the moment you stop coddling them and bowing to their every idea and whim, they toss you away.
I learned that just because you were under the assumption that you were close enough to someone that you could point out a concern you had about them, doesn't mean you are actually close enough with that person to do so. It doesn't matter if you've been extremely close for any impressive amount of time. It doesn't matter if you pointed out that concern out of love, because you thought you knew they were better than that, and wanted to address the problem early before it became a character flaw. It doesn't even matter if the person had previously done the same to you on multiple occasions, pointing out flaws in your personality and character that you weren't aware of, even ones that you didn't agree with but respected the opinion of the other anyways. None of that matters, and some people will destroy you the moment you assume you're allowed to do the same.
I learned that you should never trust some people completely. You should never be naive enough to think that some people have the best intentions at heart and will do right in the end. You should never assume that some people are anything more than selfish creatures who would rip you to shreds and break your heart to get what they want or do what makes them feel better about themselves. I learned that some people will use any excuse they can think of to justify destroying another human being's life, and explain away their actions until they have convinced themselves that they never did anything wrong.
I learned that I'm a naive fool. I believed some people didn't possibly have it in them to turn so completely against someone who had, at one point, been supposedly important to them. I believed that some people weren't capable of being so completely callous as to throw away a relationship that was claimed to be so important to them at one point.
I learned that some people are just disgusting people, who don't care about anyone but themselves, who will hurt you without remorse, and there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm still in the process of learning all of this. I'm still broken right now. It still hurts to know that I was so worthless to someone who was so important to me. But as I work towards moving on, I'll become stronger. I'll become wiser. I'll become a better person. And someday, I will find other people. People who are worth having in my life. People who won't throw me aside when they disagree with me. People I won't have to coddle or bow down to or walk on eggshells around to keep them happy so they won't leave. And someday I won't even think about the people before. Someday, all this hurt will be behind me and they won't be able to touch me ever again. I'm no where near that stage yet. I'm still in the stage of feeling agony from all the pain their selfish actions caused. But someday I will be okay. And I'll be smart enough to not let such worthless people into my life again.
